MOM WHAT??!!

[Verse 1]

First kid came, I read the books,

Probably sterilized the spoons,

Second kid came three years later—

Eh, dirt builds immunity too.

We baked, did laundry, cleaned the house,

They “helped,” or so they claimed,

One coloured all over the fucking walls,

And somehow Mom got blamed.

They flushed a whole roll down the toilet,

Fought over absolutely nothing,

Five minutes later they're best friends

The second I start yelling.

I swear they had a secret meeting:

“If Mom gets mad, unite.”

Two little assholes against one mom—

Yeah, that seems fucking right.

[Pre-Chorus]

“MOM!”

“WHAT?!”

“MOM!”

“WHAT DO YOU WANT?!”

“…Never mind.”

Oh, for fuck's sake.

[Chorus]

I made two boys, they ruined my shit,

Ate all my food and won't admit it,

Kept them alive, so there's that—

Where's my trophy? Where's my plaque?

They used to fit right on my hip,

Now they're giant men giving me shit.

Motherhood's beautiful, that's what they say—

Those people haven't lived at my place.

[Verse 2]

I used to know where both kids were,

'Cause they were hanging off my leg,

Now I need an appointment

Just to hear more than “yeah” or “k.”

“How was your day?”

“Good.”

“What'd you do?”

“Nothing.”

Cool. Great talk.

Really learned something.

They open up the fucking fridge

And stare like food might just appear,

“There's nothing in this house to eat!”

There's four hundred dollars in there.

Then something disappears that I bought,

Nobody knows a thing—

Apparently I live with two grown men

And a poltergeist named Who, Me?

[Pre-Chorus]

“MOM!”

“WHAT?!”

“Where's my—”

“DID YOU ACTUALLY LOOK?!”

“…Found it.”

Of course you fucking did.

[Chorus]

I made two boys, they ruined my shit,

Ate all my food and won't admit it,

Kept them alive, so there's that—

Still waiting on my fucking plaque.

They used to think I knew it all,

Now apparently I know fuck-all.

Motherhood's beautiful, that's what they say—

Come spend a day at my place.

[Bridge]

But somewhere between the diapers

And the backpacks by the door,

The little shoes got bigger

Till they weren't little anymore.

And all those endless “MOM!”s

Got fewer every year,

The thing that drove me fucking crazy

Is the thing I miss hearing here.

I'd give anything sometimes

For one more voice down the hall,

Calling “Mom!” for absolutely nothing—

Just because I was their all.

[Final Chorus]

Yeah, I made two boys, they ruined my shit,

Ate all my food—and I'd do it again.

One made me Mom for the very first time,

Then another doubled this heart of mine.

Now they're taller than me, lives of their own,

But they'll never be too grown to come home.

Motherhood's messy, loud and insane,

It's laughter and worry and pride and pain.

They'll always be my babies, whatever their age—

The best damn part of every page.

[Outro]

“MOM!”

…yeah?

“What?”

“Never mind.”

FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

…God, I love those kids.